I Made a Resoluation
I sat with her while she cried because of her self-imposed guilt; she didn’t do something, anything or enough. She cried when she supplemented her breastmilk because he fussed non stop and her nipples are cracked and bleeding. She cried.
Does this sound familiar? Too often, it is a constant mental refrain for parents.
Something has to change.
She cried and yet, she is enough. She is not perfect, but her love is.
We have to change, because we are enough.
This New Year’s, I made a resolution.
I am not going to shoulder the burden of mother guilt anymore. You know this guilt: it’s an incessant mosquito whirring in your ear.
I confess, that this week, I cried because:
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The kids ate McDonald’s.
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I used drug store sunscreen on my girls.
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I put them to bed early so I could be alone.
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I let the baby cry in a dirty diaper for a minute or two so I could finish a row of knitting.
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I left them all with Daddy for multiple hours so I could work.
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I looked the other way when the toddler ate dirt.
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They ate Christmas candy for breakfast. Twice.
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The oldest has been sleeping on a bare mattress for 3 nights because I’m behind on laundry and she (purposely) spilled apple juice on her bed.
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Speaking of which, I purposely spilled Apple juice on the toddler’s head. (Don’t ask.)
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And probably 400 other things
I don’t want to shed a single tear more because of an arbitrary, self-imposed attempt at a false perfection. I am enough.
Because I also smiled, a lot, this week, when:
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My big girl insisted on being “snuggled” to bed and I smelled her warm, sweet breath in my face.
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The toddler danced a “booty shaking” dance, naked, in her room.
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The kids frolicked in the surf and sand (we live in paradise!)
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We ate yummy, delicious holiday food, prepared by me.
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We were able to make Christmas dreams come true.
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My sweet little baby laughed, loudly, at a belly raspberry.
I made a resolution. I am not a perfect person, but I am loved and love others. I am enough.
You are enough, too.
