Who Should You Allow in the Delivery Room? 5 Questions to Ask

Is your due date fast approaching?

There are always so many things to figure out when it comes to giving birth. Packing your hospital bag, knowing your birth plan, who to invite…

You might be wondering, who should I allow in the delivery room with me?

This can be a difficult question to answer, and honestly, you are the only person who can answer it. Everyone has different preferences, circumstances, and birth plans. You know yourself best. 

But, I know that doesn’t make your decision any easier. 

That’s why I’ve compiled a list of questions you can ask yourself while deciding who to allow in the delivery room. There are many factors to consider. 

You may have several people in mind to invite to your birth. While considering each person, ask yourself the following questions to help you decide. Remember, you decide who comes, no one else. 

Comfort Level

“Does this person make me feel comfortable?” 

Giving birth is a beautiful moment, but also an emotionally charged one. It requires a large amount of mental fortitude, focus, and determination. Who you allow in the delivery room will greatly impact the environment. 

During labor, your brain undergoes drastic changes and fluctuations. For labor to progress, there must be oxytocin release. Stress from external sources can cause delays in this release. An unwanted family member or nervous friend may cause increased pain and fear. Increased pain and fear subtract from your birth experience.

Here’s a scenario:

Let’s say your Aunt Judy is dying to be there, but her judgemental attitude and opinionated demeanor make you anxious. Even though she wants to be there and probably has good intentions, telling Aunt Judy to stay home may be wise. We all have an “Aunt Judy” in our lives–trust me, they will not add value to your birth experience. 

Your birthing space is like a bubble. It’s a fragile environment where even a good person with the right intentions can bring the wrong energy. It can greatly impact your stress and pain levels.

You need to be comfortable around someone if they are going to attend your birth or assist you during it. Whether this person is your partner, doula, mother, sister, or friend, they should make you feel safe and comfortable. 

Respect for Boundaries

“Do they have a clear understanding of my boundaries?” 

Boundaries differ from person to person. 

Some love having a birth photographer while others are more private. Some allow friends and family to hold their babies after birth. Others would prefer not to have people hold their baby immediately and would rather wait.   

No matter what your boundaries are, it’s important to communicate them early and often. Your boundaries should be clear to those you invite into the delivery room. Not only should they be comfortable with them, but also be able to communicate them to other people. 

Unexpected things happen. You may need a strong advocate to voice your boundaries and specific requests.

Many women report losing their perception of time and space during labor. Specifically during the transition stage of labor. Some women say they enter an altered state of consciousness as they work through labor’s hardest contractions. It’s your brain’s way of narrowing down the one important task you have to do, which is give birth.

During this time, you may be unable to advocate for yourself or express your boundaries. It’s important to have someone there to be ready and able to communicate on your behalf. 

Emotional Support

“Are they capable of providing emotional support?” 

Like I said before, giving birth is an emotionally charged event. If someone wants to come to your birth, they need to be aware that attending a birth can be far from relaxing. If they can’t handle it, they should stay home.

Yes, birth is the process in which your baby exits your body into the outside world. However, it is also much deeper than that.

During labor, you are changing. Not only is a baby born, but a mother too. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or tenth baby, it has a great impact on your life. Let those you allow to attend your birth be open-minded, kind, and on your side.

Your mindset going into birth is everything. You should not have to focus on who to please. This time is all about you, your baby, and no one else.

Many factors can impact the birth environment, which directly impacts your labor.

An emotionally supportive person will add value to your labor, not subtract from it. While in labor, you will need an overwhelming amount of love, support, and sense of safety. As contractions grow more intense, having the right people to help guide you is essential.  

Flexibility & Openness 

“Are they flexible and open to sudden changes?” 

A lot can happen during labor.

Things may not go according to plan. The people supporting you in the delivery room need to understand that. Also, they need to be open to suggestions from medical personnel such as a midwife, nurse, or doctor. The last thing you want is an argument to erupt or tensions to rise while you’re giving birth.

For example, emergency C-sections can happen for valid reasons. Everyone in the room needs to be willing to go with the flow when needed and not add any extra stress to the situation.

Invite people who will be supportive when your birth plan changes. 

Dependability & Trust

“Can I count on them to show up for my birth, even if it’s at an inconvenient time?” 

Your labor can start at any time. People attending your birth must be dependable. 

Many women labor through the night. According to the Washington Post, a very common time for babies in the U.S. to be born is between 8:00 am and 9:00 am. This means, if your baby is born at 8:00 am, you likely labored through the night. 

So, you need to ask yourself, would this person be willing to stay up all night with you? Would it annoy them to be called to your labor in the middle of the night? If so, they shouldn’t come. 

Your birth bubble needs a calming, relaxing, and peaceful energy. Someone feeling annoyed will not add value to your birth experience. 

Who Can Fulfill These Needs For You? 

Still having a hard time deciding? Can’t think of anyone who checks all the boxes?

If so, consider hiring an experienced doula for your birth. 

Doulas are birth professionals who… 

• adhere to your comfort levels
• respect your boundaries
• provide emotional support
• approach unplanned situations with flexibility
• are extremely dependable and trustworthy

Doulas bring a wealth of knowledge and experience with labor and birth. Their goal is to help you have the best possible birth experience you can have by providing informational, emotional and hands-on physical support. 

Having an experienced doula on your birth team may be exactly what you need.

If labor and birth seems overwhelming and scary, know that you are not alone and have many resources at your fingertips. We’re here for you!

Also check out: Decision Making During Labor: Using Your B.R.A.I.N.