“Do I Hate Being a Parent?” 3 Helpful Ways to Shift Your Mindset
Being a parent has its challenges.
There’s no way around it.
While it has beautiful moments, there are equally ugly moments. Being pushed past your limits at times, you may want to quit.
Sometimes, you question yourself and ask: “Do I hate being a parent?”
A simple internet search reveals many people feel burnout when it comes to parenting. This fact gained more clarity during the pandemic, when a study reported that 66% of parents admitted to feeling burnt out.
This is not a coincidence. Parenting may be the hardest job you ever do.
Parenting requires mental fortitude. You provide unconditional love, deep conversations, behavior correction, endless feeding and meals, and daily routines. With this comes sleepless nights, judgment from outside sources, and exhaustion. It’s especially exhausting when you feel like you never get a break.
Bringing a new baby into the world is difficult. You are completely altering your life for another human, which comes with many parenting challenges.
Many new parents also get caught up in a “perfection” mindset when it comes to taking care of their babies. Social media tends to set unrealistic standards for how you’re supposed to act as a parent. It’s hard to stare at someone else’s “perfect” life and start comparing your not-so-perfect one.
Let me tell you…
Perfection does not exist.
If you’re finding yourself holding onto this idea, no matter what stage of parenthood you are in, it’s time to let it go.
Pushing for perfection takes away from an authentic parenting experience. One that is not perfect, but full of…
- Authentic connection
- Honest conversations
- Everlasting bonds
If this is what you want, focus on authenticity. Break up with perfection.
I know, it is much easier said than done.
Here are a few tips to help.
Make Time To Be Thankful Every Day
Being thankful every day is a science-based practice that makes you happier. Whether you are a postpartum mom or a parent facing challenges, it’s important to create a gratitude mindset.
Studies show being thankful every day has many benefits. It decreases anxiety, increases happiness, enhances sleep, and produces better behavior in children.
But, it seems like such a small habit!
Well, small, everyday habits that compound over time become mountains. Strong, sturdy mountains that are hard to move and there to stay for the long haul.
Before you know it, habitual thankfulness will change how you think.
I promise it does get better. The first step is the most important.
You might be asking, how can I be more thankful?
Here are some ideas:
- Journal daily about 3 things you’re thankful for
- Text or call someone to tell them you are thankful for them
- Tell your kids you are thankful for them, no matter their age
Actively engage in this practice and you will gradually become more thankful. Gratitude will eventually bleed into all aspects of your life. It will decrease burnout, while also allowing you to let go of perfectionism.
If you focus on what you already have, you won’t have as much time to devote to perfection. It will be easier for you to let go.
Shifting your mindset is key. Soon, your parenting challenges will feel less overwhelming.
Make Time For Authentic Connection
Many parents expect to be immediately connected with their baby, and this is the case for some. Other parents need more time, and that is more than okay.
I know you care immensely about your child and want to ensure you have a connection. The first step is simply making time for connection. Over time, as you continue to make it a priority, bonding will come.
It doesn’t matter if your baby was born yesterday or is five, ten, or fifteen years old. Finding time for connection is vital.
Babies want skin-to-skin contact and feedings. Toddlers want one-on-one playtime. Older children may want a shared interest in their hobbies or at least support for them.
The commonality: shared quality time.
Make time, even if it’s only 15 minutes. 15 minutes every day will add up over time and make a difference.
Little by little it will feel less like a parenting challenge and more like a parenting pleasure. Give yourself time and patience.
Make Time for Self-Care To Overcome Parenting Challenges
Another parenting challenge is finding time for yourself.
I get it. If you’re a postpartum mom, it can be even more difficult. A new baby is glued to you, and with that, you’ve lost a sense of autonomy and freedom. You grieve your old life, as you open a new chapter. It’s not always a celebration.
Usually, it’s somewhere in between a celebration and a loss. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense to you. And it’s okay.
However, that doesn’t erase the fact that you must find time for yourself. You need to fill your cup in some way.
Recharge, regroup.
As a postpartum mom, you need to prioritize a self-care routine. It’s important to plan out ways to fulfill your needs in advance.
Here is an easy way for you to remember your personal needs as a new parent:
It’s Called: NEST – S
Follow this checklist as a guide for your self-care needs:
Nutrition
It can be hard to eat well when you’ve just had a baby or are overwhelmed with parenting in general. You are putting your child’s needs above your own. It can be easy to forget to eat something healthy and nourishing, as crazy as that sounds.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I sitting down to eat three times a day?
- Am I keeping a snack easy and accessible?
- Am I drinking fluids throughout the day?
These questions will keep you on track as you navigate a new baby or day-in-day-out parenting. Remember, your body needs nourishment to thrive, not just survive.
Exercise
Regular exercise is essential. For anyone, it can be hard to adopt an exercise routine.
It’s even harder after birthing a baby. Not only does your doctor need to clear you, but you are also exhausted and adjusting to caring for a newborn.
So, It’s helpful to keep it simple. I promise you don’t have to complicate it.
It can be as simple as…
- a 10-minute walk outside
- 15 minutes of stretching
- a quick walk on the treadmill.
If you have only 5 minutes to spare, you have enough time to move your body to care for your mental health.
The benefits of daily exercise:
- Energy and mood boost
- Anxiety-decrease
- Better sleep
- Built-in “you-time”
The positive side-effects of exercise can bring you closer to appreciating everyday life. Soon, caring for your children will become more enjoyable.
Sleep and Rest
What?! Did she say sleep?
I know, I know. You’re wondering, how are you going to get any sleep with a baby who is up once every two hours?
I’ll let you in on a little secret:
It’s okay to ask for support.
Need more sleep? Overwhelmed with daily tasks?
It’s time to reach out for help. Help can come in many forms. Reach out to your friend, family member, or partner to help out for a few hours. Take that time to rest.
Consider hiring a postpartum doula to give you support.
There are options out there!
Create a solid bedtime routine. This will be amazing for you, your partner, and your new baby.
Think of a few activities that settle everyone down for bed and implement them into your routine.
Here are a few ideas:
- Journal
- Read a book
- Enjoy a non-caffeinated drink
- Take a bath or shower
Whatever it may be, create a routine and stick to it consistently.
Time For Yourself
This one is simple and connects with the other steps mentioned above. Create time for yourself, even just for 5 minutes.
Create specific times throughout the day for “downtime” and stick to it. Your mind and body need it.
Think of hobbies, tasks, and activities you enjoy: maybe it’s listening to a favorite podcast while you take a 15-minute walk. Make a plan to ensure these activities are at least a small part of your schedule. It’s not impossible to make sure you remain you.
Support
Lastly, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You can always ask your partner, family member, friend, or postpartum doula.
Open up to people you can speak with openly and honestly.
If you are asking yourself, “Do I hate being a parent?” don’t stress or beat yourself up. It is a parenting challenge many have worked through. If needed you can reach out to a counselor, therapist, or your care provider for more assistance. Our team has recommendations for trusted resources. As you are working through this, it’s important to find people who aren’t judgemental and willing to be there for you.
As a new parent, you may need more than one type of support.
At Buddha Belly Doulas, we specialize in postpartum doula support. We offer daytime support, overnight care, and live-in care. It’s all at your fingertips.
The postpartum period can be overwhelming, even for the most even-tempered parents.
Remember, we are here for you and cheering you on!
Also, check out: The Benefits of Choosing a Doula Agency
