3 Steps to Safeguard Your Postpartum Boundaries
You’ve heard the stories, right?
People who are unwelcome in the delivery room somehow find themselves there.
Even though you asked. Even though you just wanted your partner and the baby there for those first precious moments.
But no.
Your mother-in-law, your grandmother, your sister…
Whoever it is decided they were going to join in on your special day because they didn’t respect your boundaries.
It’s one of the most frustrating parts of the postpartum period: some people get it. Some people just don’t.
In this blog post, we will review things you can do to help prevent this.
When somebody does cross your boundaries, there are also tools you can use to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
But there is something you may have to accept.
When you set a boundary, feelings are going to get hurt. That’s just part of it.
And that’s not your problem. The problem is people feeling entitled to your special moment with your new family.
This can be a touchy subject, so we’ve put together a list of things to help you set boundaries during your postpartum season.
Communicate Early
Communicate early and often.
While you’re still pregnant, make sure the necessary people know the plan. Lay down the law.
For example, let’s say your mother-in-law wants to come stay with you for a few days right after the baby is born, and you’re not comfortable with that plan.
Setting this boundary all starts with a conversation—or several conversations.
If you keep your feelings to yourself, this person may make all sorts of plans and create all kinds of dreams. Dreams that you’ll eventually crush.
So, before any dreams are crushed, stop this before it begins.
The conversations can start as early as the first trimester. And you can maintain a respectful tone.
Here’s a scenario:
Your mother-in-law wants to visit the day after you give birth. She communicates this to you while you’re still pregnant, but you’re not comfortable with it. Your partner is on board with you. Be a united front in communicating your boundary.
It might sound like: “We need space during this time to bond with our baby before we have guests” or “While we want you to see the baby, the day after I give birth is just a little too soon.”
How they react is not your concern. There may be emotions. But at the end of the day, if they care about you, they will respect your boundaries.
And when boundaries are expressed firmly, respectfully, and early, the emotions will subside. And the best part? You may be able to avoid conflict during a highly emotional postpartum time.
Remember:
- Be firm
- Be respectful
- Be honest
Establish Clear Rules
Establishing clear rules regarding your postpartum boundaries is the first step.
This will help, especially if you have someone in your family or friend circle who likes to bend the rules.
Doing this may ruffle some feathers, especially for those who think rules don’t apply to them. So, alongside a boundary, have a rule.
Here are a few examples:
| Boundary | Rules |
|---|---|
| No unannounced visits | Always call or text a day in advance to schedule a visit. Visits only happen when the family agrees. |
| Limited time duration for visits | Visits should not exceed an hour unless invited to stay longer. Respect cues if the parents need rest or time alone. |
| No unsolicited advice | Share advice only if asked directly by mom or dad. Avoid comparing their parenting style to others. |
| Do not expect entertainment | Bring your own snacks or drinks if needed. Offer to help instead of expecting to be served. |
| Follow hygiene guidelines around the baby | Wash your hands before touching the baby. Avoid visiting if you’re feeling sick. No kissing the baby without permission. |
Staying specific with your rules will be a lifesaver. It limits confusion and avoids unnecessary conflict during a time when emotions run high.
Enlist Support
Establishing postpartum boundaries isn’t something you should have to tackle alone. Doing it on your own can feel isolating—like it’s you against the world. When you’re adjusting to life with a newborn, that’s the last thing you need.
This is a time for extra hands and voices to stand with you as you advocate for the peace and space your family needs.
So, enlist someone to help uphold your boundaries.
This person could be your partner, a trusted family member, or even your doula. They’re your teammates in this. This is someone who can gently but firmly remind others of your wishes when you’re too tired or emotionally drained to do it yourself.
Before the baby arrives, sit down with this person to discuss the boundaries you want to set and the reasons behind them.
For instance, if you’re limiting visitors to certain times of day, explain why. Maybe it’s to protect the baby’s sleep schedule, feed the baby uninterrupted, or simply have some quiet bonding time. These reasons may change after the baby arrives. The postpartum period is an ever-evolving time. The more they understand the “why” behind the boundaries, the better they can help enforce them.
Here’s an example: Let’s say your boundary is “no unannounced visitors.” Your partner can take the lead by screening calls or answering the door to remind unexpected guests that visits need to be scheduled. They can also help steer unsolicited advice onto other topics of conversation.
A postpartum doula, in particular, can be an incredible ally.
They’re skilled in creating nurturing environments and know how to support you. Also, having a neutral third party involved can sometimes defuse tension, making it easier for loved ones to respect your wishes.
No matter who you choose, remember this: it’s okay to ask for help. Protecting your postpartum space is a team effort! Having someone in your corner can make all the difference.
Let Us Help With Your Postpartum Boundaries
If you’re ready to make a plan to maintain boundaries during postpartum, we can help.
Partnering with us will help you create a peaceful postpartum experience that works for your family.
Schedule a time to chat with us—we’re ready to help you!
Also, check out: 6 Postpartum Essentials You’ll Want to Have or The Benefits of Choosing a Doula Agency.
